CA 1992

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    They gave me a medal for killing two men and a discharge for loving one.

                               -- Epitaph for Vietman hero Leonard Matlovich

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

Ratio of the lethal dose to effective dose for selected drugs (that is, a
comparison of the amount that will kill you to the amount needed just to work):

                                  Aspirin: 20:1
                                  Alcohol: 10:1
                                Marijuana: 10,000:1
                                                                      -- Reason

                              TOAST FOR THE DAY

  The world is full of winners and losers.  Here's hoping you're one  of 'em.

                                                             -- Norm Petersen

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Number of times that God, in the form of a green cloud, appeared in Barry
   Davis' gas station service bay and told him to close on Sundays: 1

                                                                      -- WSJ

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

  Number of black men, per 100,000, incarcerated in South Africa: 681

  Number of black men, per 100,000, incarcerated in the United States: 3,370

                                      -- The Sentencing Project (Washington)

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

        Ratio of the emissions produced by a car driven 50 miles to those
        produced by a lawn mower in one hour: 1/1

                                  -- U.S. Environmental Protection Agency

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

          Ratio of Michael Jordan's earnings from product endorsement
          (commercials) to his income from playing basketball:  8/1

                                                      -- news sources

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  The world isn't run by weapons anymore, or by energy or money.  It's run by
  little ones and zeros, little bits of data; it's all just electrons.  There's
  a war out there, old friend, and it's not about who's got the most bullets --
  it's about who controls the information: what we see and hear, how we work,
  what we think -- it's all about the information!
                                                           -- Cosmo, "Sneakers"

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    Free trade, one of the greatest blessings which a government can confer
    on a people, is in almost every country unpopular.

                                                  -- Thomas Babington, 1824

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         It's a dog-eat-dog world and I'm wearing Milk-Bone underwear.

                                            -- Norm Petersen, "Cheers"

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY
                         (David Koresh's Last Words)

         Ouch!  Ouch!  Ouch!  Maybe I'm NOT Jesus Christ!  Ouch!  Ouch!

                                                            -- Callahan

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   Software supliers are trying to make their software packages more "user-
   friendly"....  Their best approach, so far, has been to take all the old
   brochures and stamp the words "user-friendly" on the cover.

                                             -- William C. Gates, Microsoft

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Number of sponges used by the cleaning crew during the restoration of the
   World Trade Center after the bombing: 152,000
                                                                      -- WSJ

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     None of us [Geraldo, Oprah, Donahue, etc.] would be on the air if the
     states of Florida, Texas and California didn't exist.  That's where
     every bizarre act happens and every weird person alights.

                                                            - Maury Povich

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Number of seconds it took for Don Calhoun to earn one million dollars
   by sinking a basketball in the hoop across almost the entire court: 1.93

                                                            -- News sources

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   We all go "do, re, mi," but you got to find the other notes for yourself.

                                                          -- Louis Armstrong

                              RIDDLE FOR THE DAY

         Q: How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?

         A: None.  It's a hardware problem.


                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

       Computers are marginally telepathic.  If you panic, your computer
       will sense it.
                                                       -- Charles Koontz

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  [Due to the furor about and subsequent withdrawal of the record with Ice-T's
  song, "Cop Killer"], Is it now impossible for an artist to record a song in
  which a law-enforcement agent or a government official -- however corrupt,
  however brutal, under whatever circumstances, in self-defense or not -- is
  killed?  Will that unspoken rule apply to Arnold Schwarzeneger as well as
  to Ice-T?  Why should events in a song be held to a higher moral standard
  than those in a movie, a novel, a play or any other work of art?

                                         -- Anthony DeCurtis, "Rolling Stone"

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.

                                                          -- Bo Diddley

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  Technology, by its nature, is dynamic, forward-looking.  Every development,
  every invention, every improvement upsets the status quo, changes the
  people and society, threatens the Establishment.

                                               -- Ben Bova, editor of Analog

                            STASTISTIC FOR THE DAY

 Average rise in the world's temperature over the past 100 years, in degrees: 1

                                              -- National Geographic, USA Today

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  Tip the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles.

                                                          -- Frank Lloyd Wright

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 A new scientific truth does not triumph by convincing its opponents and making
 them see the light, but rather because its opponents eventually die, and a new
 generation grows up that is familiar with it.
                                                                  -- Max Planck

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Estimated ratio of bearded-or-mustachioed to clean-shaven men at the Harley
  Owner's Group (HOG) 90th anniversary rally in Milwaukee last Sunday: 99/1

                                                                 -- USA Today

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           Give a small boy a hammer and he will find that everything
           he encounters needs pounding.
                                                    -- Abraham Kaplan

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     Science has proof without any certainty.  Creationists have certainty
     without proof.
                                                        -- Ashley Montague

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  Assuming that either the left wing or the right wing gained control of the
  country, it would probably fly around in circles.
                                                              -- Pat Paulsen

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

           Number of office buildings named after Michael Jordan: 1

                                                              -- NBC

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Average amount of corn whiskey consumed by U.S. adult drinkers between the
   years 1790 and 1830, per year, in quarts: 24

   Average today: 1
                                                       -- National Geographic

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Jesus said, "Love your neighbors."  Well, I do love them.  I love to kill them.

                            -- Croatian policeman Dusko Nikolic, about Serbians

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Number of hours in the average Japanese work year, expressed as a percentage
  of the average U.S. work year: 120

                                        -- Akio Morita, Chairman of Sony Corp.

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     America [about the turn of the Century] seemed as great as the rest of
     the world put together...perhaps it because it WAS the rest of the
     world put together.

                            -- Clive James, "Fame in the 20th Century," PBS

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         Everybody wants to be a magician, and those who don't grow up,
         become professionals.
                                                    -- Harry Blackstone

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

     Nationwide, number of reported cases of foreign objects in Pepsi cans
     since early June: 50

     Number of cases confirmed by the FBI: 0

     Maximum fine for tampering with a Pepsi can: $250,000

     Maximum fine for making a false report of tampering: $250,000

                                                           -- news sources

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

      Average speed of Heinz ketchup, from the mouth of an upended bottle,
      in miles per year: 25
                                                              -- Heinz USA

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                        I talked to God
                        On His private line.
                        He said, "How you doin', Joe?"
                        I said, "My name is Dave,
                        And I'm doin' fine."

                                           -- Lu Janis

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Hourly wage the Resolution Trust Corporation paid contract workers last year
  to photcopy documents: $35

          -- U.S. Senate Subcommittee on Regulation and Government Information

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

           Estimated number of body parts suitable for piercing: 30

                        -- Gauntlet (a New York City jewelry store)

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

            Amount Kim Basinger spends on her pets, per month: $7,000

                                            -- Connie Chung interview

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

                JURASSIC PARK: A creature feature on amphetamines.

                                              -- Terrence Rafferty

                   COMPUTER/ELECTRONICS QUESTION FOR THE DAY

 Superconductors are:

   A. Materials that conduct electricity very efficiently at high temperatures.

   B. Andre Previn, Seiji Ozawa, Doc Severinsen.

                                                               -- Jane Campbell

                   COMPUTER/ELECTRONICS QUESTION FOR THE DAY

         A microchip is:

              A. A tiny computer circuit that processes information.

              B. A disappointingly small portion of nachos.

                                                    -- Jane Campbell

                    COMPUTER/ELECTRONICS QUESTION FOR THE DAY

        A hard drive is:

               A. The permanent storage component in a computer.

               B. San Francisco to Los Angeles without rest stops.

                                                  -- Jane Campbell

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Percentage of the world's corn crop that is grown in the U.S. Midwest: 33

                                                      -- National Geographic

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   When Japanese auto producers were prevented by [government] quotas from
   going for large volumes at low prices, they moved up-market to sell
   smaller volumes of higher-priced cars.  Rather than competing against the
   Americans at their point of weakness -- and thus dramatically improving
   the range of value in the automobile market -- the Japanese moved to
   compete with the Americans at their point of strength.  American
   purchasers sent more money to Japan, but they didn't even get more cars.

                          -- George Gilder, "Uncle Sam Wants Your VCR," 1986

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

            Estimated number of customers served by Nevada's 36 legal
            brothels, per month: 10,000

                                 -- George Flint, Nevada Brothel Assn.

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

   Average gain in value of stocks picked by professional financial advisers
   in a contest from January through June of this year: -6.6%

   Average gain in value of stocks picked at random by the Wall Street Journal
   by throwing darts at the stock listings, same time period: +4.7%

                                                                        -- WSJ
                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

         Number of letters received by the White House, per day: 50,000

         Number of these letters addressed to Socks: 25
                                                            -- Harper's

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

           Average value of the goods and services produced each year
           by a full-time Japanese worker: $38,200
           ...by a full-time American worker: $49,000

                            -- McKinsey Global Institute (Washington)

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     We have no racial bigotry on Remulak.  We are coneheads, not skinheads.

                                                          -- Beldar Conehead

                              RIDDLE FOR THE DAY

           Q: How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?

           A: How many can you afford?
                                                    -- Robin Abcarian

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

       Compared to last year, percentage increase in sales of "Red Stripe"
       brand beer after casual mention in the film "The Firm": 53

                                                           -- Dateline NBC

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

            A government that is big enough to give you all you want
            is big enough to take it all away.

                                   -- Sen. Barry Goldwater (Arizona)

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

    BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD: Two MTV dudes refreshingly unburdened by knowledge.

                                                          -- Howard Rosenberg

                              NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

 While perusing the assembly instructions for his new [Yamaha] Electric Grand
 keyboard, a reader found a diagram showing assorted pieces of hardware and
 labeled with a single Anglo-Saxon word of instruction.  We can't repeat the
 instruction in this family magazine, but we believe the company meant "screw."

                                                            -- Consumer Reports

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 Science...looks skeptically at all claims to knowledge, old and new.  It
 teaches not blind obedience to those in authority but vigorous debate, and in
 many respects that's the secret of its success.
                                                                 -- Carl Sagan
                                                                         
                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Current annual growth rate of the Cuban economy: -20%

                                           -- The Universal Almanac
                                                
                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

Consider, first, the fundamental difference between how entrepreneurs are
rewarded in the marketplace and how government bureaucrats are rewarded in the
public sector.  The potential for entrepreneurs' personal gain -- for profit --
increases as they decrease the costs of their operations.  So minimizing costs
is their fundamental incentive.

Public-sector managers, by contrast, are generally rewarded in accordance
with the size and scope of their programs -- they stand to gain no profits by
cutting costs.  So their incentive is to expand programs and create new
programs -- to increase their budget, that is.

                                                           -- Patrick Cox, 1985

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

        Number of mosquitoes that could theoretically exist as offspring
        from a single female between now and Labor Day: 16,000,000

        Number of additional eggs those offspring could lay before Labor
        Day: 3,200,000,000

                     -- Florida Dept. of Agriculture & Consumer Services

                             NOW IT CAN BE TOLD!

Meterologists cannot explain why the Midwest should be so wet this year, but
others claim to know:

"God [is] a bit unhappy with our treatment of the unborn and the trashing of
the Judeo-Christian ethic."  (Rev. Jerry Falwell)

"The floods are punishment for the killing of innocent Muslims during the
Persian Gulf War."  (Imam Jamil al-Amin, formerly H. Rap Brown)

"God is trying to tell us something.  Recently Missouri and Illinois have
allowed riverboat gambling..."  (Judy Martin, resident of Alton, Illinois)

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Enrollment at Miss Vera's Finishing School for Boys Who Want To Be Girls,
   in New York City: 100
                                                           -- Harper's Index

                       BARBEQUE COOKING STYLES, a primer

 The slow-smoked Texas [BBQ] style will be highly influenced by the wood, while
 the faster-cooking St. Louis or Chicago styles will be more influenced by the
 sauce.  California barbecue is probably most influenced by the astrological
 sign of the cook...
                                            -- Richard Foss, Los Angeles Reader

                             NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

               Name given to the portable toilets used in Colorado
               this week during the Pope's visit: Vat-I-Cans

                                                            -- WSJ

                             NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

 Surrounded by cops on a Virginia highway, accused drug dealer Alfred E. Acree
 Jr. did what any self-respecting suspect would do: he ran like hell.  Diving
 into a dark wood at night, Acree was no doubt amazed by the swiftness of his
 apprehension by county sheriff's deputies -- not realizing that he had
 signaled his presence brilliantly with his brand-new L.A. Gear Light Gear
 athletic shoes, battery powered so as to illuminate the wearer's every move.
 Officers say $800 worth of cocaine was found in Acree's pockets.

                                                               -- news sources

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

               Religion is far closer to magic than to science.

                                                 -- James Randi

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   The whole aim of practical politics is to keep the populace alarmed (and
   hence clamorous to be led to safety) by menacing it with an endless series
   of hobgoblins,  all of them imaginary.
                                                             -- H. L. Mencken

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

      Number of years before all the available combinations of North
      American telephone area codes are used up: 2
                                                             -- Bellcore

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Cost of a like-size rubber replica of a 12-13 week old human fetus, for use
  in pro-life rallies and abortion clinic protests, from Museum Replicas,
  Urbana, Illinois: $16.25
                                                             -- Life Advocate

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

          I can't listen to Wagner.  I get the urge to conquer Poland.

                            -- Woody Allen, "Manhattan Murder Mystery"

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

        Estimated number of cows it takes to supply the 22,000 footballs
        the NFL uses each season: 3,000

        Number of pigs: 0

            -- Wilson Sporting Goods Company (Chicago)/Harper's research

                               RIDDLE FOR THE DAY

  Q: How can you tell a real Grateful Dead concert ticket from a counterfeit?

  A: Smoke it.  Only the real one gets you high.

                    THOUGHT FOR THE DAY (Barth's Distinction)

   There are two types of people in this world: those that divide people into
   two types, and those who do not.
                                                -- contributed by Frank Kelly

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   I ran into Topo Gigio on the stairs the other day.  He was eating a grilled
   cheese sandwich.  Fat, sloppy...he used to be big.

          -- David Letterman, at his new CBS studio, the "Ed Sullivan" Theatre

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

 Number of new jobs created in the United States as a result of the development
 of Microsoft Windows, according to MS Chairman Bill Gates: 17,300

                                                                     -- PC Week

                      POEM FOR THE DAY ("Romeo and Juliet")

                  If you will die for me, I will die for you.

                  and our graves will be like two lovers washing
                  their clothes together in a laundromat.

                  If you will bring the soap, I will bring the bleach.

                                                  -- Richard Brautigan

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 [As a result of television] we'll have silent football.... The players won't
 be bothered by the roar of the crowd, because the crowds will all be watching
 at home.... There'll be no one at the game except the sponsor.

                    -- Robert Saudek of ABC Television, in Time Magazine, 1950

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

        Conviction rate of criminal prosecutions in Japan, percent: 99

                                                       -- news sources

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Proportion of American malls that are smoke-free: 1/3

                                                    -- news sources

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Amount spent by General Motors for employee health costs, per car sold: $700

                                                                       -- Time

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  If devotion to truth is the hallmark of morality, then there is no greater,
  nobler, more heroic form of devotion than the act of a man who assumes the
  responsibiltiy of thinking...the alleged short-cut to knowledge, which is
  faith, is only a short-circuit destroying the mind.
                                                                 -- Ayn Rand

                    QUOTE FOR THE DAY (Time Will Tell Dept.)

      You know, we're going to have to work very hard to make this work.
                                 -- Israel Foreign Minister Shimon Peres

      I know. I'm prepared to do my part.
                                           -- PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat
                                           -- NBC News

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

The essence of our political theory in this country is that a man's conscience
shall be a private, not a public affair, and that only his deeds and words
shall be open to survey, to censure and to punishment...One need only watch
totalitarians at work to see that once men gain power over other men's minds,
that power is never used sparingly and wisely, but lavishly and brutally and
with unspeakable results.  If I must declare today that I am not a Communist,
tomorrow I shall have to testify that I am not a Unitarian.  And the day after,
that I have never belonged to a dahlia club.  It is not a crime to believe
anything at all in America.
                                                           -- E.B. White, 1947

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

           Number of states that allow parents to refuse medical care
           for their children on religious grounds: 44

                                  -- James Randi, "The Faith Healers"

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      Women have to be in the mood for sex.  Men have to be in the room.

                                                   -- "The Mommies," NBC

                               QUOTES FOR THE DAY

 [If NAFTA passes] you will hear a "giant sucking sound" of jobs going south of
 the border...
                                                               -- H. Ross Perot

 The sucking sound you hear is 85 million Mexicans sucking on U.S. straws,
 drinking their U.S. colas and eating their hamburguesas from McDonalds.

                                   -- Don Nibbe, publisher of "Twin Plant News"

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Amount the U.S. government spends annually to maintain the strategic helium
  reserve in Texas, originally created in 1925 to provide gas for the Army's
  dirigibles: $16,000,000
                                                     -- The Milwaukee Journal

           STATISTICS FOR THE DAY (Love is Bad, Violence is Good Dept.)

    Number of ABC TV stations that declined to show "NYPD Blue" last night,
    "A few baroque swear words, a mildly sensuous lovemaking scene..." : 40

    Number of CBS TV stations that declined to show "Donato and Daughter"
    last night, "with a body count of four mutilated nuns and a pregnant cop
    shot in the belly...": 0
                                                                -- USA Today

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

    Rate that the brain processes information, as measured by the speed that
    nerve impulses travel along neurons, in miles per hour: 40

                                                            -- Terence Hines

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

           Current inflation rate in Yugoslavia, percent per day: 20

           Largest denomination bill issued by the Yugoslavian government,
           in dinars: 10,000,000,000

           Worth of this bill in dollars: 6
                                                              -- USA Today

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   The good side of sin is you can tax it.

                                          -- Dennis McCann

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

              The rules about playing [golf] with the president are
              you don't tell the score, and he always wins.

                  -- Donna Shalala, Sec. of Health & Human Services

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         You can never disprove an irrational assertion...it is possible
         that somewhere, sometime, some reindeer may have flown.

                                   -- Samual T. Gill, Skeptical Inquirer

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

             Chances that a U.S. resident is foreign-born: 1 in 13

                                          Chances in 1910: 1 in 7

                                              --U.S. Census Bureau

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

Percentage of Missouri's corn crop destroyed by rain and flooding this year: 40
     Percentage of South Carolina's corn crop destroyed by heat and drought: 66

               -- Missouri Agricultural Stabilization and Conservation Service,
                  South Carolina State Stabilization and Conservation Service

               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY (Intellectual Dialogue Dept.)

 Number of "Huh"s tallied in one 30-minute "Beavis and Butt-Head" episode: 653

                                                               -- Richard Vega

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    I had a dream the other night.  I was playing Pictionary with Picasso...

                                                                   -- Tony V

                            STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

       Cost of printing Al Gore's report about saving money in government,
       using glossy paper and three colors of ink: $168,915

       Amount that would have been saved if the report had been printed
       on plain paper with black ink only: $114,824
                                                                   -- Time

                     POEM FOR THE DAY ("33 1/3 Sized Lions")

                   33 1/3 sized
                   lions are roaring at the black gates of Fame
                   with jaws that look like record company courtesans
                        brushing their teeth
                   with would-be rock and roll stars
                        in motel bathrooms
                   with a perfect view of hot car roofs
                        in the just-signed up
                             afternoon.
                                                 -- Richard Brautigan

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

        Distance by sea that Columbus thought lay between Spain and Japan,
        in statute miles: 2,760 ("a few day's time with a favorable wind")

        Actual distance: about 11,000

                                                            -- Smithsonian

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     I have nothing more to prove in basketball.  I have no more challenges
     that I felt I could get motivated for.

                               -- Michael Jordan, announcing his retirement

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                 Net increase in U.S. population, per hour: 310

               Percentage of increase that is from immigration: 32

                                                      -- USA Today

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

      ETERNITY: The length of time it takes to pay off your credit cards.

                                                     -- Florence Berglund

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      If you think health-care costs are high now, wait until it's free.

                                                         -- Dave Gneiser

                    STATISTICS FOR THE DAY (More Jordan Facts)

  Odds of the Chicago Bulls taking the NBA title this season, before Michael
  Jordan announced his retirement, according to Las Vegas oddsmakers: 2/1

  Odds after Jordan retired: 25/1
                                                                      -- WSJ

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                 Estimated percentage of the nation's electricity
                 that is used to power PC's: 5

                                                           -- EPA

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Number of citizens of Alabama that are destined to go to Hell, according to
  the Southern Baptist Church's "Secret Formula": 1,860,000

                                                       -- AP, Birmingham News

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Typical number of months it takes before processor (CPU) power doubles: 18

                                   -- Mark Van Name & Bill Catchings, PC Week

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

    Number of states for which a firing squad is one of the allowed execution
    methods for condemned criminals: 2

                   -- Nat'l Coalition to Abolish the Death Penalty, USA Today

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   Every October 31st, small groups of armed children roam from house to house
   demanding protection money...
                                                               -- Peter Yarrow

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  The last time I was inside a woman was when I visited the Statue of Liberty.

                                                                -- Woody Allen

                             THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

    Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect from alphabet soup?

                                                             -- John Mendoza

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   One woman's misery is another man's pleasure; one man's pleasure is another
   man's crime; one man's crime is another man's beat; one man's beat is
   another man's TV show [such as "Cops"].

                          -- Debra Seagal, "Tales From The Cutting-Room Floor"

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  I like to live by the golden rule: do unto frogs and pigs as you would have
  them do unto you.  It's a sort of "turn the other flipper" approach.

                                      -- Kermit the Frog (Amphibian-American)

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

     BAROMETER: An ingenious instrument which indicates what kind of weather
                we are having.
                                 -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 I didn't set my clocks back [the other weekend]...I feel like I gained an hour
 when I left NBC.
                                                             -- David Letterman

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  Chance is a word that does not make sense.  Nothing happens without a cause.

                                                       -- Voltaire (1694-1778)

                            STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

           Number of the 6 living U.S. Presidents that favor NAFTA: 6

        ...of the 17 living American Nobel-prizewinning economists: 17

                                                -- Andrew Tobias, TIME

                         QUESTION & ANSWER FOR THE DAY

 Q: According to a KRT News Wire article on sexual harassment in Washington...
    what allegation did a female congressional staff person make about a male
    lobbyist?

 A: The article states that the lobbyist "felt free to pinch her buttocks
    in the reception area."

 Q: Where is that located?

 A: Just below the vestibule.  It is extremely sensitive.
                                                                 -- Dave Barry

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

            Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.

                                          -- Don Marquis (1878-1937)

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                  Number of Taco Bell outlets in Mexico City: 3

                                                   -- Taco Bell

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Number of breast implant operations performed in California in 1992: 6,000

                                                 -- Kathleen Doheny, LA Times

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                    No nation was ever ruined by trade.

                                   -- Benjamin Franklin

                           DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

     TURKEY: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain anniversaries
             has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.

                               -- Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary"

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 Gobble!Gobble!Gobble!Gobble!Gobble!Gobble!Gobble!Gobble!AWK?!GacCKKK!nngg....

                                                                  -- A. Turkey

                              POEM FOR THE DAY

          'Twas the Day After Thanksgiving, and all through the house,
          Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse...
                                                              -- Anon.

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  I have wasted a lot of my life in the company of treacherous and boring men,
  but I've never regretted a moment with a beautiful woman, and never met one
  I didn't consider beautiful.
                                                           -- Garrison Keillor

                 QUOTES FOR THE DAY (Vive La Differance! Dept.)

We have to take our communities back.  Community by community, block by block,
child by child.
                                                      -- Bill Clinton, 11/21/93

Block by block, school by school, child by child, we will take back the streets.

                                                       -- George Bush, 09/05/90

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

            I took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues.

                                                   -- Duke Ellington

           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY (The Ax Is Quicker Than The Eye Dept.)

        Number of episodes of "The Paula Poundstone Show" that were aired
        by ABC before it was canceled: 2

        Number of episodes of "South of Sunset", CBS: 1
                                                                  -- Time

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

            Number of known bugs in Microsoft's Word For Windows 6.0
            when first shipped in October, 4 months late: 8,000

                                               -- Robert X. Cringely

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

       Ratio of the price of rice that the Japanese government forces its
       citizens to pay compared to the world price, in order to support
       Japanese rice farmers: 9/1
                                                              -- LA Times

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                         I'm going to Montana soon;
                         Gonna be a dental floss tycoon.

                              -- Frank Zappa (1941-1993)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  In business, it is a serious if not fatal mistake not to identify your real
  adversary.  Pennsylvania Railroad saw its competitor as the Chesapeake and
  Ohio; in fact it was the airlines.  Keuffel and Esser, the slide rule
  manufacturer, thought it was Pickett, and Hewlett-Packard introduced the
  HP-35 scientific calculator.  General Motors thought it was Ford, and Japan
  exported Datsuns and Toyotas.  It is not a question of underestimating your
  adversary, but of not recognizing it.
                                                               -- Paul Heckel

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

              You can get much further with a kind word and a gun
              than with a kind word alone.

                                                     -- Al Capone

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

     IDEALIST: One who, on noticing that a rose smells better than cabbage,
               concludes that it will also make a better soup.

                                                             -- H.L Mencken

                               LIMERICK FOR THE DAY

                          Mary donned her figure skates
                          Upon the ice to frisk.
                          Now wasn't she a foolish girl
                          Her little * ?

                                             -- anon., quoted by Jack Smith

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

  Number of ex-Nazis buried in Israel's Mt. Zion Cemetery: 1 (Oskar Schindler)

                                                                   -- LA Times

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      Three hundred thousand miles per second.  It's not just a good idea,
      it's the law.

                                 -- sign on the USS Enterprise (Star Trek)

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Price of a life-sized computer-controlled triceratops,
              from the Neiman Marcus Christmas Catalogue: $93,000

                                                    -- Neiman Marcus

                           STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                 Number of U.S. towns named "Santa Claus": 3

                                           -- Harper's Index

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                   Only 5 more shopping days until Christmas...

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

            Pages of forms an applicant must fill out to be considered
            for the position of elf at Macy's in NYC: 10

                                                      -- David Sedaris

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                   Only 3 more shopping days 'til Christmas...

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

             Less than 2 more shopping days left 'til Christmas!!!

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

            Yipes!!  Very few shopping hours left 'til Christmas!!!

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                  Only 5 more shopping days until New Year's!

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   If they ever make a movie where a man is sexually harassed, I'm their gal.

                                                   -- Sharon Stone, Movieline

                       NEW YEAR'S RESOLUTION FOR THE DAY

  I will no longer call my cats Siamese.  It's politically incorrect.  Their
  country hasn't been Siam since the days of "The King And I"... It's
  demeaning.  It speaks of the white man's subjugation of the the cats of the
  yellow man and their subsequent exploitation for profit...from now on,
  when someone asks me...I'm going to tell them right out, "No. They're not.
  They're Asian-American."
                                                              -- Emily Prager




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