THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                                Happy New Year!

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                Ratio of U.S. police officers that die by suicide
                to those killed in the line of duty: 2/1

                                                       -- Reuters

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     The one function that TV news performs very well is that when there is
     no news, we give it to you with the same emphasis as if there were.

                                                          -- David Brinkley

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

          Percentage increase in vinyl record sales from the first half
          of 1993 to the same time period in 1994: 80
                                                                -- RIAA

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                               Happy New Server!

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                             Huh Huh mm Huh Huh oops
                        Let's try that new server again!

                       THOUGHT FOR THE DAY  (O'Leary's Law)

                             Murphy was an optimist.

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                    Distance between the Speaker of the House
                    and the U.S. Presidency, in heartbeats: 2

                                         -- Harper's Research

                      NEW COMPUTER VIRUS TO WATCH OUT FOR

  the CALIFORNIA FLOOD VIRUS: Looks just like one of those "aquarium" screen
                              blankers, but the fish are real and your monitor
                              is full of water.

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                      It's Friday the 13th!  Really!  Yow!!

                                        -- The Calendar Man

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

          A note to my neighbors: Our Earthquake Reunion Party has been
          canceled due to floods.
                                                         -- Pat Paulsen

                        ONE YEAR AGO TODAY, AT 4:31AM...

                 The walls were shaking, the earth was quaking
                 My mind was aching and we weren't faking
                 When you shook me all night long.

                                                      -- AC/DC

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

           Percentage of Japan's economic output that was affected by
           the recent earthquake: 20
                                                     -- WSJ, ABC News

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           Oh, yes, I've learned from my mistakes and I'm sure I could
           repeat them  exactly.

                 -- Sir Arthur Strebe-Greebling/Peter Cook (1938-1995)

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

               Number of coffee bars in the U.S. in 1988:     200
                                                ...today:   5,000
                          Number of coffee bars in Italy: 200,000

                              -- Specialty Coffee Assn of America

                            STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

        Average gain in value during the last 6 months of stocks chosen
        by staffers flinging darts at stock tables: 5%

     Average gain in stocks chosen by four investment professionals: -16%

                                                                     -- WSJ

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

     Number of times Walter Cronkite has attended a Grateful Dead concert: 2

                           -- Marlene Adler, spokeswoman for Walter Cronkite

                 NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY (Which do you believe?)

    PROSECUTION: O. J. Simpson is a controlling man in a circle of violence.

        DEFENSE: O. J. Simpson is a kind man in a circle of benevolence.

                                                                 -- ABC News

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

          Even though the shops still standing in Kobe [Japan] are easy
          to break into, there has been no looting...

                                         -- Michael Ventura, L.A. Times

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Estimated number of people worldwide that watched the
              Super Bowl yesterday: 700,000,000
                                                    -- news sources

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

         Number of marijuana plants for which a grower may be sentenced
         to death under the crime bill passed last fall: 60,000

                                               -- U.S. Dept. of Justice

                             STATSTIC FOR THE DAY

            Ratio of Monopoly money printed by Parker Bros. each year
            to money printed by the U.S. Mint: 2/1
                                                           -- Playboy

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Number of weeks of winter remaining, according to yesterday's groundhog: 6

                                                                 -- tradition

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

       Percentage of California's electricity supplied by wind power: 1.2

                                                            -- L.A. Times

                           QUOTE FOR VALENTINE'S DAY

                     Some love is fire, some love is rust,
                     But the fiercest, cleanest love is lust.

                                             - Art Spiegelman

           NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY ("You've Come a Long Way, Baby" Dept.)

  M. Dieulafoy, who with his wife explored the ruins of Susa, has been elected
  to the French Academie des Inscriptions.  Mme (Mrs.) Dieulafoy not only
  received the Legion of Honor for her share in the work, but also the right
  to wear men's clothes in public.
                                            -- Scientific American, March 1895

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

      Percentage of a car's fuel energy that ends up hauling the driver: 2

            -- Lovins & Lovins, "Reinventing The Wheels," Atlantic Monthly

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                      A President cannot always be popular.

                                         -- Harry S. Truman

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  We abuse the land because we regard it as a commodity belonging to us.  When
  we see land as a community to which we belong, we may begin to use it with
  love and respect.
                                                   -- Aldo Leopold (1886-1948)

                                QUOTE FOR THE DAY

               I love fools' experiments.  I am always making them.

                                      -- Charles Darwin (1809-1882)

                           STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

  Average amount of his Social Security and Medicare taxes a single 30-year-old
  man will never receive in benefits: $37,200

  Average amount in excess of his Social Security and Medicare taxes a single
  65-year-old man will receive in benefits: $35,200

                                                -- Urban Institute (Washington)

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

       Number of robberies nationwide per 100,000 population, in 1955:  46
                                                          ... in 1990: 270

                                        -- Paul Robinson, Atlantic Monthly

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Rank of Chargoggagoggmanchauggagoggchaubunagungamaugg, a Massachusetts lake,
   among the longest U.S. place names: 1
                                                     -- U. S. Geological Survey

                                QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                Don't look back.  Something may be gaining on you.

                                                  -- Satchel Paige

                    QUOTE FOR THE DAY (Wishful Thinking Dept.)

    Vigorous development of private cars will effectively help ease the strain
    on urban traffic....The development of private cars and the gradual
    replacement of bicycles by cars will enable Chinese cities to realize
    traffic modernization.
                                                    -- Bejing Review, Dec 1994

                             WISE ADVICE FOR THE DAY

         Check the brakes in your car every 7500 miles or anytime you see
         a shower of sparks, flames or iron filings...

                                            -- AAA of Southern California

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                Increase in the average American's total tax bill,
                in constant 1994 dollars: 20%

                          -- Dept. of Commerce, The Tax Foundation

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

      Number of time Governor Pete Wilson has declared a state of emergency
      in California since 1991: 30
                                            -- California Governor's Office

                             RIDDLE FOR THE DAY

           Q: What do you get when you play a country song backwards?

           A: Your girl back, your car back...


                          TRIVIA QUESTION FOR THE DAY

                Q: What was the name of Howdy Doody's stand-in?

                A: Double-Doody.

                         -- PBS (That Treasure Trove O' Trivia)

                             THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

  For good nutrition, at each meal you should choose one from each of the three
  basic food groups: vanilla, chocolate and butter pecan.

                                                            -- Jeremy Bernstein

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                          It's not easy being green.

                                           -- Kermit

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   The U.N. pulled out of Somalia leaving no one in charge.  There is no
   government, no law, and no formal education -- just a rampant wild-frontier
   economy in which anything can be had for a price.  Is this the future?

                                                           -- William Finnegan

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

         Number of years O. J. Simpson's trial would have to last before
         his legal fees exceeded this year's federal budget: 348,985

                                                       -- Harper's Index

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

       Estimated number of jobs that could be gained in Northern Ireland
       if peace should break out: 30,000

       Estimated number of jobs that would be lost in the security services
       industry for the same reason: 20,000
                                                       -- Liberation, Paris

                               THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                     Your lucky numbers are: 1,6,15,29,35,36

                                         -- a fortune cookie

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

          Approximate dimensions of an iceberg that recently broke off
          from Antarctica and is drifting out to sea, in miles: 23 x 48

                                                                -- Time

               QUOTE FOR THE DAY (Remembering Oscar Night, 1988)

                      Good evening, Hollywood phonies...

                                                  -- Chevy Chase

                       QUOTE FOR THE DAY (Plus Ca Change...)

   ..."Blue" songs are naturally not allowed on the radio networks.  Last week
   NBC revealed that 147 songs are on its blacklist.  Because their titles are
   suggestive, 137 may not even be played instrumentally[!].  Among them:
   "Lavender Cowboy"..."Dirty Lady"..."But in the Morning, No"...Many another
   song has to be laundered before NBC will pass it.  Not to be sung in "Thank
   You Father" are the lines: "Though your father's name was Stanley/Thank God
   that he was manly."
                                                       -- Time, March 25, 1940

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

          Ratio of Los Angeles city revenue from parking meter-related
          fines to parking meter coins collected: 10/1

                                          -- Michael Schrage, LA Times

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Rank of April among all months in order of cruelty: 1

                                            -- Thomas Stearns Eliot

                             NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

  The Pakistani army gave its Swedish counterpart three thoroughbred geldings
  in a show of admiration.  Unfortunately, Sweden bans the import of Asian
  horses because of fears of infection.  Rather than offend the Pakistanis by
  returning the horses, the Swedes killed them.  The Pakistanis were offended.

                                                     -- Charles Oliver, Reason

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                        I had no idea it was televised.

             -- David Letterman, about the Academy Awards Ceremony

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

    Average number of fingerprint cards received by the FBI each day: 25,000

                                                                 -- LA Times

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

              Psychology has become the religion of this century.

                                           -- Michael Yapco, PhD.

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  Science shares with religion the claim that it answers deep questions about
  origins, the nature of life, and the cosmos.  But there the resemblance ends.
  Scientific beliefs are supported by evidence, and they get results.  Myths
  and faith do not.
                                        -- Richard Dawkins, "River Out Of Eden"

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

  LECTURE: The process by which the contents of the textbook of the instructor
           are transferred to the notebook of the student without passing
           through the heads of either party.
                                                               -- Darrell Huff

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                        Round numbers are always false.

                                      -- Samuel Johnson


                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                    No, we do not have cattle in our home.

                    -- Hillary Clinton, responding politely
                       to an unexpected question from a woman
                       in rural Bangladesh, quoted in TIME

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

              TAXES: When you care enough to send the very least.

                                                 - Bumper sticker

                               POEM FOR THE DAY

                    Nature, it seems, is the popular name
                    For milliards and milliards and milliards
                    Of particles playing their infinite game
                    Of billiards and billiards and billiards.

                                                 -- Piet Hein

                            STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

      Percentage of women in the crew of the U.S. carrier Eisenhower: 8

      Number of washers in the ship's laundry that have a "gentle" cycle: 0

                                                                    -- Time
                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  What is clear is that Americans, urban and rural alike, will have to get used
  to tougher security measures.  (Some European countries have by now become
  accustomed to Draconian security at airports and to having no sidewalk trash
  cans in which bombs might be hidden.)
                                                                         -- WSJ

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   "Gracious, gracious," my grandma used to say,
                   "The world's a scary place now,"
                   Things were different in her day.
                   What horrors will be commonplace
                   When MY hair starts to grey?

                    -- Kevin Gilbert, contributed by Scott Shupe

                               QUOTES FOR THE DAY

             Don't carry a grudge.  While you're carrying the grudge
             the other guy's out dancing.
                                                    -- Buddy Hackett

             Never carry a grudge.  They shed terribly.
                                                    -- greeting card

                        NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY (Uh-Oh Dept.)

 In December, scientists for an environmental group reported that a new species
 of plant and three new species of insects were found during inspection of the
 grounds of the federal government's Hanford nuclear reservation near Richland,
 Washington.
                                           -- Chuck Shepherd, News of the Weird

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                    The harder you work, the luckier you get.
     
                                               -- Gary Player

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

      Number of daughters brought to work on national "Bring Your Daughters
      to Work Day" yesterday by the staff and crew of The Late Show: 0

                                                         -- David Letterman

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

            Number of days since the Dodgers won a baseball game: 264

                                                      -- news sources

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           We don't know one millionth of one percent about anything.
      
                                                     -- Thomas Edison

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

          Score received by San Fernando Valley high-school students
          Dale Shuger and Jennifer Koo in their college SAT tests: 1600

          Maximum score possible: 1600
                                                        -- news sources

                              LIMERICK FOR THE DAY

                      There was a young lady named Bright,
                      Whose speed was faster than light;
                         She set out one day
                         In a relative way,
                      And returned home the previous night.

                               -- Arthur Buller (1874-1944)

                              POEM FOR THE DAY

                    Higgledy-piggledy
                    Ludwig Van Beethoven
                    Scornful of cheer, and of hearing forlorn,

                    Spitefully hissing, sat
                    Writing unplayable
                    Pianississimo notes for the horn.

                                             -- John Hollander

                        POEM FOR THE DAY (Beethoven Again?)

                    Higgledy-piggledy
                    Ludwig Van Beethoven
                    Bored by requests for some music to hum,

                    Finally answered with
                    Oversimplicity,
                    "Here's my Fifth Symphony: Duh, duh, duh, DUM!"

                                               -- E. William Seaman

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

       Additional amount that President Clinton wants the $30,000 luxury
       automobile buyer to pay to the U.S. Government in order to teach
       the Japanese a lesson: $30,000
                                                         -- news sources

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

        [I] tried a voice recognition system recently and inadvertently
        sneezed into the microphone.  The computer produced a screenful
        of s's and said, "Gesuntheit!"

                           -- Frank & Richard Romano, "Digital Imaging"

                          MOVIE REVIEWS FOR THE SEASON

               (All Action Movies Are Just DIE HARD In Disguise)

            SPEED         = DIE HARD on a bus
            UNDER SEIGE   = DIE HARD on a battleship
            UNDER SEIGE 2 = DIE HARD on a train
            CRIMSON TIDE  = DIE HARD on a submarine
            VIRTUOSITY    = DIE HARD inside a virtual-reality simulator

                                                       -- Peter Travers

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

        If you are awash in lost continents, channeling and UFOs, you may
        not have intellectual room for the findings of [real] science.

                                                            -- Carl Sagan

                             NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

 In Oslo, Norway, Kristi Larsen had a dream that she should name her son
 Gesher.  But the name isn't on the government's official list of acceptable
 names.  So she's been fined and ordered to give him an acceptable name.
 Some names that have government approval are: Odd, Bent, Roar, Dits, and Anon.

                                                      -- Charles Oliver, Reason

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                Nature is not cruel, only pitilessly indifferent.

                                               -- Richard Dawkins

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

       Number of bills passed by Congress that Bill Clinton has vetoed: 0

       Number of U.S. presidents in this century who left office without
       having issued a single veto: 0

                         -- White House Press Office, U.S. Senate Library

                               *** CAUTION ***

        This computer system is for the use of trained operators only.
        Reckless operation of this machine could alter the earth's orbit.

                         THOUGHT FOR THE DAY (Econ 101)

              The money is always there.  Only the pockets change.

                                                 -- Gertrude Stein

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   But winter lingering chills the lap of May.

                               -- Oliver Goldsmith (1708-1774)

                             THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                             Happy Memorial Day! 

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           The hands on my biological clock are giving me the finger.

                                                     -- Wendy Liebman

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                             Eh...What's up, Doc?

            -- "Fritz" Freleng, inventor of Bugs Bunny (1906-1995)

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

         Amount since 1984 that AT&T has raised the price for a 10-minute
         call from an L.A. pay phone to New York: 65%
                                                                   -- WSJ

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

   Number of miles a gallon of fuel will take a ton of freight on a train: 300
                                                            ...on a truck: 100

                                                                -- Smithsonian

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

     Number of years in office Saddam Hussein will celebrate this summer: 15

                                                         -- The New Republic

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                              Summer is icumen in,
                              Loud sing cuccu!

                              -- Cuckoo Song (ca. 1250)

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

        Number of Marilyn Monroe stamps issued by the U.S. Post Office: 1

        Number of Marilyn Monroe stamps issued by the Portuguese islands
        of Sao Tome and Principe: 9

                                                    -- USPO, news sources

                NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY (How Interesting... Dept.)

         To ease the burden on taxpayers, we're shrinking government.

                                       -- Gov. Pete Wilson, Jan. 1995

Percentage change in number of government employees since the last governor: +4

 Percentage change in total salaries paid to government workers since 1990: +21

                                                                -- News sources

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   An enlightened and efficient intellectual regime lets a million prejudices
   bloom, including many that you or I may regard as hateful or grotesque.  It
   avoids any attempt to stamp out prejudice, because stamping out prejudice
   really means forcing everyone to share the same prejudice, namely that of
   whoever is in authority.
                                  -- "In Defense of Prejudice," Jonathan Rauch

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

           Percentage of pet owners who use the "garden hose" method
           of washing their pets: 28

                                               -- Teledyne Water Pik

                               STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

             First year that the plastic credit card was used: 1952

                                                       -- USA Today

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 The brambles and the thorns grew thick and thicker in a ticking thicket of
 bickering crickets.  Farther along and stronger, bonged the gongs of a throng
 of frogs, green and vivid on their lily pads.  From the sky came the crying of
 flies, and the pilgrims leaped over a bleating sheep creeping knee-deep in a
 sleepy stream, in which swift and slippery snakes slid and slithered silkily,
 whispering sinful secrets.
                                        -- James Thurber, "The Thirteen Clocks"

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

       A suburban mother's role is to deliver children obstetrically once,
       and by car for ever after.

                                              -- Peter DeVries (1910-1993)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                 Some folks are wise, and some are otherwise.

                               -- Tobias Smollett (1721-1771)

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

       FASHION: A form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it
                every six months.
                                                -- Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

                                            -- Kin Hubbard (1868-1930)

            NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY (Expert advice in the Clinton era)

  Actress Kate Mulgrew, star of "Star Trek:Voyager," was invited to the White
  House for an "issues briefing" touting women's achievements in science.

                                                         -- Milwaukee Journal

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

            Never extend your hand further than you can withdraw it.

                                      -- Seumas MacManus (1869-1960)

                             POEM FOR THE DAY

                         Higgledy-piggledy
                         President Jefferson
                         Gave up the ghost on the Fourth of July.

                         So did John Adams, which
                         Shows that such patriots
                         Propagandistically knew how to die.

                                               -- Arthur W. Monks

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

     PATRIOTISM: Your conviction that this country is superior to all others
                 because you were born in it.

                                          -- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     The only thing bad about a holiday is it is followed by a non-holiday.

                                                               -- Anonymous

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                       I could prove God statistically.

                            - George Gallup (1901-1984)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           One fifth of the people are against everything all the time.

                                           - Robert Kennedy (1925-1968)

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

          From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down I
          was convulsed with laughter.  Some day I intend reading it.

                                           -- Groucho Marx (1890-1977)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         Whenever I think about the past, it just brings back memories.

                                                       -- Steven Wright

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you;
  that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.

                                                     -- Mark Twain (1835-1910)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      Q: What are two of the worst things we commonly teach our children?

      A: That a knowledge of science is nice but not necessary
         and a knowledge of sex is necessary but not nice.

                                                    -- Marilyn Vos Savant

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     Monkeys are superior to men in this: when a monkey looks into a mirror,
     he sees a monkey.
                                                        -- Malcolm de Chazal

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      Before I got married I had six theories about bringing up children;
      now I have six children and no theories.

                            -- John Wilmot, Earl of Rochester (1647-1680)

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

           SUBSTITOOT: A second-string trumpeter in the school band.

                                                      -- Doug Larson

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

               I had three chairs in my house: one for solitude,
               two for friendship, three for society.

                                    -- H. D. Thoreau (1817-1862)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                    All people smile in the same language.

                              -- submitted by Julie Wicken

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

  CHEESE CURD: An orangish cheese byproduct that feels like Silly Putty but
               tastes a lot better.  It was invented accidentally by University
               of Wisconsin nuclear cheese scientists attempting to create an
               object of pure cholesterol that would still squeak.  Rats who
               are fed this remarkable food develop an unusual capacity to
               polka and drink beer.
                                           -- American Folklore Theatre Program

                      NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY (Geriatric Dept.)

  Nick Montos, the first person ever to make the FBI's Ten Most Wanted list
  twice, walked into an antique shop in Boston Tuesday with a gun and
  threatened to kill owner Sonia Paine if she didn't cooperate.

  She hit him over the head with her aluminum bat.

  Montos is 78, Paine is 73.  "I don't take any crap from anybody," Paine said.
  "I beat the hell out of him."
                                                                          -- AP

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

                                 -- Groucho Marx (1895-1977)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

           My spelling is Wobbly.  It's good spelling, but it Wobbles,
           and letters get in the wrong places.

                                                        -- A. A. Milne

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   To err is Hugh-man, to forgive, Divine.

                                          -- Dennis Miller

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

          Accept nature and look inward.  It's not the hair on your head
          that matters.  It's the kind of hair you have inside.

                                                       -- Gary Shandling

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     Have you seen that new [weight loss] cream you just rub on your thighs?
     If it really worked, wouldn't it make your hand thinner?

                                                              -- Rita Rudner
                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                The hair in the head is worth two in the brush.

                                              -- Oliver Herford

                               LULLABY FOR THE DAY

                     Hush little baby, don't say a word,
                     Mama's gonna shoot you a mockingbird.

                     If that mockingbird don't sing,
                     Mama's gonna beat up Rodney King.

                                     -- Officer Eve Eggers

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                     Trust everybody, but cut the cards.

                                   -- Finley Peter Dunne

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

               Percentage decrease in viewing audience in the
               last ten years for the ABC television network: 24
                                                  ...for CBS: 36

                                       -- Nielsen Media Research

           QUOTE FOR THE DAY (Hiroshima 1945 Remembered by Survivors)

      We need to admit the crimes committed by Japan before we can ask for
      any apology from the United States.
                                                          -- Koshiro Kondo

      If Japan had [had] the bomb, it might have used it in a worse way.

                                                          -- Kozo Matsuo

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                    Strip away the phony tinsel of Hollywood
                    and you find the real tinsel underneath.

                                             -- Oscar Levant

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                When all think alike, then no one is thinking.

                                             -- Walter Lippman

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   As nations improve, so do their gods.

                        -- G. C. Lichtenberg (1742-1799)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

        I'd hate to be a teetotaller.  Imagine getting up in the morning
        and knowing that's as good as you're going to feel all day.

                                                           - Dean Martin

                            QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                       The payoff to life is death.

                        -- Jerry Garcia (1942-1995)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   The trouble with the rat-race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.

                                                               -- Lily Tomlin

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

          This world may be divided into those who take it or leave it
          and those who split the difference.

                                                        -- Ronald Knox

                             NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

  With the knowledge and coooperation of his seventh-grade son's teachers and
  guidance counselor, Charles Hayden took his son Chris out of his last-period
  study hall every day to help him prepare for classes.  Subsequently, Chris'
  average jumped nearly ten points and he didn't have to repeat the seventh
  grade.  School administrators have charged Hayden with illegally taking his
  child out of school.
                                            -- Greensburg (PA) Tribune-Review

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

               If you think Hurricane Felix is gonna make a mess,
               just wait until Hurricane Oscar.

                                               -- David Letterman

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

         Number of "other" denominations ($2, $500, $1000, and $22!) of
         counterfeit U.S. Dollars found circulating in 1994: 26

                                                  - U.S. Secret Service

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

          Estimated amount a typical heroin addict would need to spend
          10 years ago to supply his habit, per day: $225

          Cost of the same quantity of drug today: $70

                                    -- Drug Enforcement Administration
                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      My doctor gave me six months to live but when I couldn't pay the bill
      he gave me six months more.
                                                           - Walter Matthau

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   Miss Piggy doesn't acknowledge she's a pig.  She's upset about not getting
   parts that go to Michelle Pfeiffer.
                                        -- Jim Henson's staff, denying rumors
                                           that a certain Muppet was miffed
                                           at not starring in "Babe"

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                        When the horse dies, get off.

            -- Kinky Friedman, on why he abandoned his music career

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   I am the whitest man in the world.  I am genetically engineered to live on
   a rain-soaked bog in Ireland and never see the sun.  Almost no sunblock is
   high enough for me; I'm waiting for Coppertone to come out with a
   beekeeper's outfit.
                                                              - Conan O'Brien

       NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY (With cops like these, who needs terrorists?)

     When Paul Holloway met his luggage in Orlando at the end of his flight
     from Amsterdam, Netherlands, he noticed his suitcase was torn.  He
     notified authorities, who found two explosive devices inside.  Further
     checking revealed that they had been placed there, not by international
     terrorists, but by Dutch police, who were conducting a test of security
     measures.

     "The officer just forgot about it," said Dutch airport spokesman Alex
     Van Pelt.  Presumably the security test failed.

                                                          -- adapted from AP

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

          Ratio of number of people to cows in New Delhi, India: 72/1

          Ratio of telephones to people in India: 1/120

                                                      -- news sources

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 Mr. Thomas A. Edison recently came into this office, placed a little machine
 on our desk, turned a crank, and the machine enquired as to our health, asked
 how we liked the phonograph, informed us that it was very well, and bid us a
 cordial good night.
                                                 -- Scientific American (1877)

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                 A lie can be all the way across the country
                 before the Truth can get its boots on.

                                               -- Mark Twain

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

   BABY: A loud noise at one end and no sense of responsibility at the other.

                                                               -- Ronald Knox

                             THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

            It's Monday!  It's Labor Day!  So why are you working?

                                                      -- Anonymous

                   GAME FOR THE DAY ("Tabloid Headline Maker")

  Make your own tabloid headlines!  Choose one phrase from each column:

  ELVIS                  ELOPES WITH                  MARILYN MONROE'S GHOST
  ROSEANNNE              IS MY LOVE-CHILD, SAYS       2-HEADED GOAT
  LADY DI                CONFESSES AFFAIR WITH        HITLER'S BRAIN
  MADONNA                SEDUCES                      MICHAEL JACKSON'S MONKEY
  OPRAH                  CAUGHT STALKING              SPACE ALIEN
  MICHAEL JACKSON        AND I ARE THROUGH, CLAIMS    THE POPE

                                                      -- Micro Publishing News

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

             If a tree falls in a forest, and there's no one there,
             then who gets to keep the wood?
                                                 -- Frederick Heide

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     If the government has the power to do everything that is good or right,
     then we no longer have a government, we have a totalitarian state.

                                                            -- Thomas Sowell

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                When you come to a fork in the road, take it.

                                                -- Yogi Berra

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

     DEMOCRACY: The theory that the common people know what they want, and
                deserve to get it good and hard.

                                                          -- H. L. Mencken

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 Son, no matter how far you travel, or how smart you get, always remember this:
 Someday, somewhere, a guy is going to come to you and show you a nice
 brand-new deck of cards on which the seal is never broken, and this guy is
 going to offer to bet you that the jack of spades will jump out of this deck
 and squirt cider in your ear.  But, son, do not bet him, for as sure as you do
 you are going to get an ear full of cider.

                                - Damon Runyon, "The Idyll of Miss Sarah Brown"

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

     "We are not testing bombs," French General Paul Vericel insisted, after
     France detonated a 70-ton nuclear device on a Pacific atoll last week.
     "We are testing nuclear physics."
                                                          -- adapted from AP

                 QUOTE FOR THE DAY (Prescription For Real Romance)

                        1. Be loving
                        2. Share jokes
                        3. Share pajamas
                        4. Make time for each other
                        5. Make time for sex
                        6. Don't use up all the hot water

                         -- Dr. Ruth Westheimer, "Sex for Dummies"

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                   Any music played on a saxophone is immoral.

                                  -- Sgt. Rhoda Miliken (1925)

                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

                Percentage of U.S. households that have a PC: 39

                                               -- Link Resources


                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

      Election polls show that most Americans oppose the President because
      they don't know where he stands...

      Meanwhile, in other election news, polls show Americans support
      Colin Powell because they don't know where he stands...

                                             -- Michael Ramirez, USA Today

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

              Average amount paid by the Federal Government to
              U.S. farmers to grow wheat, in dollars per acre: 27
                                       ...to grow feed grains: 55
                                       ...to grow cotton: 110
                                       ...to grow rice: 220

                               -- American Farm Bureau Federation

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

       DICTIONARY: A guide to the spelling of words, which can be located
                   if you know how to spell them.

                                            -- The Left-Handed Dictionary

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

                   REBATE: Putting another worm on the hook.

                               -- The Left-Handed Dictionary

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   The only difference between Catholics and Jews is Jews are born with guilt
   but Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

                                                            -- Elaine Boosler

                              DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

             NATIONAL DEBT: America's most outstanding public figure.

                                                   -- Joseph B. Young

                              DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

             PRODIGY: A small child with highly imaginative parents.

                                                     -- R. H. Creese

                              DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

  HOLLYWOOD:  A place where they shoot too many pictures and not enough actors.

                                                             -- Walter Winchell

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

                    FLOOD: A river too big for its bridges.

                              -- The Left-Handed Dictionary

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

         MONDAY MORNING: When we look back wistfully on the good old days
                         like Saturday and Sunday.
                                                       -- Catholic Digest

                                QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    POLITICALLY CORRECT FILM TITLE: "Those Who Are Good, Those Who Are Bad,
                                 and Those Who Are Facially Non-Privileged"

    POLITICALLY INCORRECT FILM TITLE: "The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly"

                                                            -- Anthony Lane

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

  You take out your communicator and contact the starship Enterprise.  In Star
  Trek, you are immediately connected to the right party.  But in reality,
  here is what you'd have to contend with:
      "Thank you for calling the Starship Enterprise.  If you are sending a
  distress signal, press 1.  If you would like to be beamed up, press 2.  If
  you are an omnipotent god-being who is trying to take over the universe,
  press 3.  If you are a green-skinned alien female interested in seducing our
  captain, press 4.  If you have a rotary-dial communicator, please hold and
  wait for Lieutenant Uhura."
                                                          -- Richard M. Romano

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Chances that watching "The Bridges of Madison County"
              will bring a man to tears: 2/3

                                      -- Entertainment Weekly (NYC)

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 Psychologists tell us that children who are exposed to violence on television
 grow up to become violent.  My childhood was spent watching sitcoms, so I grew
 up to write really bad jokes.
                                                           -- Richard M. Romano

                                QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 Kathryn Bigelow's [film] "Strange Days" is merely rated R.  It is ten times
 more violent, mucky-mouthed, and inflammatory as "Showgirls" [rated NC-17],
 but by some ineffable leap of logic, the Motion Picture Association of America
 has determined that a parade of indistinguishable bosoms is more likely to
 corrupt the nation's youth than a scene in which a woman is grabbed, manacled,
 violated at knifepoint, and then killed...Plainly, it is the number of naked
 bodies that appalls the M.P.A.A., not the harm that is inflicted on them.

                                                    --Anthony Lane (New Yorker)

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY
              (If you don't get it, ask your nearest Computer Nerd)

    I still remember a time when having a web site meant it was time to dust.

                                                         -- Richard M. Romano

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

             Approximate total sales of goods and services related
             to O.J. Simpson's trial to date: $200,000,000

             Gross domestic product of Grenada (1987): $187,000,000

                                          -- Playboy, World Almanac

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                   OMYGAWD!  IT'S FRIDAY THE 13TH!  REALLY!!

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

  Number of states that have increased state and local taxes by 40% or more per
  capita in the ten years ending in 1991: 11

  Average per capita state and local tax increase in the U.S. for the same time
  period: 30%

  At the current rate of increase, number of years until these taxes double: 27

                              -- U.S. Census Bureau, Bureau of Labor Statistics

                              NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

     Bonnie Turner was suspended from Tavares Middle School for having Tylenol
  in her backpack, and will not be allowed to take classes this fall until she
  completes a "substance-abuse awareness" course.

     Jay Marshall, supervisor of student services, defended the policy.  "A
  student is not to have any kind of medication on their person...because they
  are potentially dangerous to students that would ingest them.  People commit
  suicide by taking Tylenol."
                                                -- Sarasota (FL) Herald-Tribune

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    A nation may lose its liberties in a day and not miss them for a century.

                                                               -- Montesquieu

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

              Estimated dollar loss from U.S. banks in two months
              this year from electronic theft, in millions: 300

                                          -- Arnaud de Borchgrave

                             STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

             Number of twenty-dollar bills printed last year by the
             U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing: 2,252,800,000

                                                      -- L.A. Times

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

      FRIENDS: People who knew you then and don't hold it against you now.

                                               -- "Now and Then" (trailer)

                             DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

       MATURITY: The ability to stick with a job without being supervised,
                 carry money without spending it,
                 and bear an injustice without wanting to get even.

                                                      -- Abigail Van Buren

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   Every Halloween, a group of magicians get together and have a seance to try
   to contact Harry Houdini.  They have not been successful in past years, but
   today they got his machine...
                                                            -- David Letterman

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   Every October 31st, small groups of armed children roam from house to house
   demanding protection money...
                                                               -- Peter Yarrow

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

       Federal funds budgeted through 1999 to assist U.S. phone companies
       in making their lines easier to tap: $500,000,000

                    -- Electronic Privacy Information Center (Washington)

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

          Federal funds spent on maintaining nuclear testing operatons
          since U.S. testing was halted in 1992: $1,185,600,000

                                   -- Brookings Institute (Washington)

                               QUOTES FOR THE DAY

      I have always believed that the majority of the people want peace...

                                              -- Yitzhak Rabin (1922-1995)

      I acted alone on God's orders and I have no regrets.

                                       -- accused Rabin assasin Yigal Amir

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

  Most frequently chosen numbers in the California State Lottery: 9,3,7,8,11,6
  Least frequently chosen numbers: 50,46,49,48,42,51

                                                           -- Mark Finkelstein

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    The New York City subway has been experimenting with computer programs to
    enhance its efficiency...but I missed my stop the other day because the
    trains weren't self-extracting.  They are, however, self-mugging.

                                                         -- Richard M. Romano

			       QUOTE FOR THE DAY

	I've heard a lot of complaints about America Online, but here's my
	only gripe: it's really hard to get the labels off when reusing
	all the diskettes they send me.
						      -- Richard M. Romano

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                          My karma ran over my dogma.

                                     -- bumpersticker


                            STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

    Percentage of the nation's movie screens on which the latest James Bond
    movie, "Golden Eye," will be playing on November 17: 10
                                                                     -- MGM

                              QUOTE FOR THE DAY

   I was reading up on "channeling," a technique whereby a pshyhic supposedly
   contacts the spirit of a long-dead individual.  If an English psychic
   contacts the spirit of a dead Frenchman, it's called "chunneling."

                                                         -- Richard M. Romano

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

       Number of California driver's licenses made out to Jesus Christ: 6
                     Number made out to Jesus Christ II: 1

                                                        -- California DMV

                              STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

            Average number of books signed per minute by Newt Gingrich
            at a Boston bookstore in August: 4

            Average number of books signed per minute by Colin Powell
            at the same store in September: 11

                                        -- Lauriat's Bookstore, Boston

                            STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

       Number of turkeys served at Thanksgiving this year: millions, even

       Number of turkeys serving in Congress: 535

                               POEM FOR THE DAY

          'Twas the day after Thanksgiving, and all through the house,
           Not a creature was stirring, not even a (well-fed) mouse...

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

 The next time you board a plane, try not to think about this: Flight Simulator
 running on your notebook [computer] may be more reliable than the software
 that keeps planes from colliding in midair.  That's because the FAA's air-
 traffic-control system still uses software from the 1970s.  It runs on a
 vacuum-tube IBM 9020e mainframe that dates back a decade earlier.  This system
 contributed to almost a dozen failures in the past year...

                                                           -- Alan Joch in Byte

                            DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

  HYDROGEN: A light, odorless gas, which, given enough time, turns into people.

                                                           -- John P. Wiley Jr.

                               THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                       Only 24 more days until Christmas!

                                        -- S. Claus & Co.

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         The difference in time between loony ideas and shipped products
         is shrinking so fast that it's now, oh, about a week.

                                                     -- Neil Gershenfeld

                               THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                       Only 20 more days until Christmas!

                                        -- S. Claus & Co.

                              NEWS ITEM FOR THE DAY

  In July, preacher Abdul Talib Harun, 35, was sentenced to two years in prison
  in Kuala Lumpur for having ten wives, which is six more than permitted under
  Muslim law...The four lawful wives were also sent to jail for a month for
  permitting the illegal cohabitation.
                                                           -- News of the Weird

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

         As I see it, there are two kinds of people in the world; those
         who love delis, and those you shouldn't associate with.

                                                        -- Damon Runyon

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

     Time it takes for data to travel between the Galileo Jupiter satellite
     and the earth, in minutes: 52
                                                              -- L.A. Times

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

           Number of countries that issued a John Lennon commemorative
           postage stamp last week: 8
                                                         -- L.A. Times

                              STATISTIC FOR THE DAY

        Number of Galileo/Pioneer/Voyager-type space missions to outer
        space that NASA has currently planned & funded for the future: 0

                                                           -- L.A. Times

                             QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    You know you're in love when you're willing to share your ATM PIN number.

                                                            -- Elayne Boosler

                                QUOTE FOR THE DAY

                 The sun never sets for those who ride into it.

                          -- Richard O'Brien, "Shock Treatment"

                                QUOTE FOR THE DAY

    I got food poisoning today....but I don't know when I'm going to use it.

                                                            -- Steven Wright

                             STATISTICS FOR THE DAY

          Number of criminal indictments in Japan in 1994: 1,140,353
              Number of those defendants found NOT guilty: 58

                                           -- Norihiko Shirouzu, WSJ

                               QUOTE FOR THE DAY

       I stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six.  Mother took me
       to see him in a department store and he asked for my autograph.

                                                        -- Shirley Temple

                                POEM FOR THE DAY

          'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the house,
          Not a creature was stirring, 'cept Not-Even (a mouse)...

                                          -- Clement Moore, Walt Kelly

                              DEFINITION FOR THE DAY

                               TINSEL: Snake mirrors

                                    -- Steven Wright

                              THOUGHT FOR THE DAY

                 Only 4 more shopping days until the New Year...

                                             -- The Calendar Man



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